Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Dedicated to you - My Life, My First, Hadya

I'm due anytime soon for my 2nd baby. My due date falls on 27th may and knowing that this is the 2nd pregnancy people says that it will be usually earlier that expected. But still I was not expected anything earlier than 23rd May. 

I wanted more time. I wanted more nights with Hadya. I put her to sleep every night for 22 months now and I watched her closely after she's in deep sleep watch every features of hers. I enjoyed it. She does not look like  me, neither she look exactly like my hubby, I find that extra-ordinary and unique in her own way. Her no.1 trademark - her Hair! We all love her hair.

She likes her hair messy. She only wear a hairband not longer than 3 hrs and she will pull them off and brushed her hair through with her fingers. And of course it will fluffed up. 

Here's a good example.

1st picture will be the one where she just dolled up feeling pretty, and the 2nd picture will be the one where's she's ready for nap time.

I believe she will be a good big sister. From the time she saw the ultrasound when I was pregnant for 5 months, she had kissed my tummy every morning or any single time I was scolding her in this exact same line " Baby..... Muah! " . That exactly means, in the morning, she greets everyone and acknowledged the baby but any other time, she was black mailing me, loving the baby coz my reply to her will always be, "Baby love you too.." And she will get away with whatever she just did. 

For the past 2 weeks, Hadya has been so clingy to me. I believe she sensed it. She sensed that she will soon be a big sister and she will start having responsibilities and maybe a competition.

I got worried. I asked my husband "How do we ensure that we are being fair parents ?" 
Hadya had been such a good baby since born that she had set most targets a mother want at an exceptional level. And then I questioned, "What if my baby boy is a bully, and does not meet whatever Hadya had met?"

It struck me asking myself if I'm normal for thinking such. Raising a girl and raising a boy is a totally different agenda. Hubby had taught me that what was the most important thing to do as parents is to teach them the virtues of a good Muslim cause all those virtues will lead them to be a good human.  

I never once want to be favorable. I never once want to be unfair. I will learn along the way I guess and I believe we all are learning. Hubby and I, the kids. Learning about the journey of life and overcoming it.

Here is a dedication for you my 1st angel,

Dear Hadya,

When did you become an almost  2 year old? Where has the time gone? There are moments I still feel you dancing in my belly, nuzzling your tiny face into the nape of my neck as I burp you. The smell of dried milk and baby powder on your skin.

I loved every minute of our time together, when I was pregnant with you. Moving together, baking Baji's cookies together (where you will just eat the raw dough instead), sleeping within me—safe from the world. You taught me intimacy at a time when I needed it the most. 

You are a joyful, observant spirit. You watch, tentative, calculated a master at making your moves appear fluidly spontaneous. How do you do that? You take your time and then you jump in, completely. 

I remember feeding you, nursing you. I had to be patient and willing to wait. You would drink slowly, mindfully. Filling yourself to prepare to be awake, aware and engaged in everything you did. I watched you grow this way, from sitting up, to crawling, to walking, to running, to sprinting, to climbing, dancing, coloring, playing the guitars and drums, memorizing A-Z.

Everything you do, you make it look effortless because you took the time to learn, to watch and to know first. I didn't even had to put an effort and you already surprised me with your intelligence.

I will help protect your knowledge, your eternal love and wisdom as long as I live. 

You love your Baji, oh! do you love your Baji. You even call him "B"..  He adores you and you adore him right back. I’m thankful for that—that you have a father. Every girl deserves a father. I don’t have to worry about men taking advantage of you because you will never let them. You have a man in your life who has set the bar for the rest.

Don’t settle for anyone less than the extraordinary example your father has set for you. You will fond your own "B.." someday.

I love how you eat. You take time, you enjoy every bite, you taste. I learn so much from you. This is how you live your life,  you taste every morsel of life. You are a bit picky with your food too. You love chicken rice, crackers, and cereals. You will eat fruits here and there but your favorite - grapefruit. How did you do it? I can't even put a straight face trying to taste your grapefruit. You certainly have a sweet tooth too, chocolate is your favorite. 

Right now, you are snuggling your stuffed animal rabbit, Babbit.  You were so proud to show her off to Umi's and Baji's friends. 

You love your hair—curly and messy hair. It's adds up to your adventurous character. Yet, your hair is perfect Hadya. Curly, wispy, a mind of it’s own, just like you. 

You are yin and yang, a perfect balance.

There is just something about you. Something out of this world and I respect it. I always will. I promise to support you in whatever you decide to do in life because I know it is your journey to have. Even if you'd tell me you are going to be a rock star—I wouldn’t be surprised. 

Whatever you do and wherever you go, I will hold your hand like I do right now, and I will walk with you. I’m going to miss the day your tiny hand outgrows mine, when I can’t wrap my pink finger around your wrist as you hop over every crack on your way into school. Nothing ever stays the same, but one thing: my boundless love for you. 

I am just grateful you chose me to be your mother. I waited for a very long time for you, my kindred spirit. 

I hope you always stay this happy. 

Hadya, I love you from the roots of the earth to the moon and back. You and your brother are the loves of my life. Being your mom has been the greatest gift of my life. Raising you to fulfill your purpose in life, is my purpose, one I cherish. 

You will always be safe, you will always be protected, and you will always be loved.

Go adventure, be brave, be bold, be courageous because you are meant to discover, to create, to learn, to experience it all and I will love you every step of the way, no matter what. 

I love you Hadya Habibi. And You will be the most wonderful Big sister..
She might not understand these now. But someday, when she opens up my blog to read my hearts content, she will. 
From 3 to 4 of a kind soon.

Upon My Word,

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